


He doesn't understand

by thesongofdarkness



Series: Sam is not okay [8]
Category: Supernatural
Genre: Dean Winchester - Freeform, Episode: s09e13 The Purge, Lucifer - Freeform, One Shot, POV Sam Winchester, Season/Series 09, gadreel - Freeform, i suck at summaries, just thoughts, thoughts
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-12-26
Updated: 2014-12-26
Packaged: 2018-03-03 16:58:40
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 264
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2858195
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/thesongofdarkness/pseuds/thesongofdarkness
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Sam's thoughts about forgiving Dean or what he really ment by saying that he wouldn't do the same to Dean in "the purge"  9x13.</p>
            </blockquote>





	He doesn't understand

He doesn't understand.  
He doesn't understand how it feels like to be used, to have another person inside you.  
He doesn't understand the feeling of not having a choice, of being forced to do things you don't want to.  
He doesn't understand the feeling of not knowing, of not knowing how you got there, of wondering if you are going crazy.  
He doesn't understand how it makes you question what's real, and how it brings back old memories to the surface.  
Memories I thought I had finally come to peace with..turns out I had only ignored them.  
He doesn't understand how it feels like to be betrayed again, even after being promised that it was going to be different.  
He doesn't understand how it feels like to watch your hand kill the only friend you had left.  
He doesn't understand how helpless it makes me feel, how useless.  
How it makes me hate myself and fear my own body.  
He doesn't understand how it makes me feel on the edge and afraid of letting my guards down.  
He doesn't understand the fear of being out of control.  
He doesn't understand how it feels like to be imprisioned by your own mind.  
He doesn't understand how it feels like to not have control of your own body.  
He doesn't understand how it makes me feel like nothing is ever my choice and that everything is meaningless.  
He doesn't understand.  
He doesn't know.  
Not at all.  
So don't ever,EVER say that you'd do it again.  
Because I would rather die than be possessed again.


End file.
